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 | Dear Backyard Bill, I am a true romantic. I absolutely love Valentine's Day. The problem is my spouse thinks it's just some silly commercialized event devised by Hallmark and the wine makers of the world. Backyard Bill, what does this mean? Should I just accept the fact that we won't be celebrating our annual romantic night out at McDonald's. What else can we do on a tight budget? Any suggestions Backyard Bill? | ||||||||
Backyard Bill formerly Doctor Bill To request advice from this multitalented specialist, EMAIL him! Backyard Bill is a working inventor and entrepreneur who offers both personal and business advice. Stay tuned for more amazing advice. | |||||||||
Sincerely, Valentorn | |||||||||
Dear Valentorn, As far as Valentine's Day goes, make your own little card for your beloved. Surprise him with it when he gets home. Don't forget to cover your body in nonfat whip cream and paste the biggest cherries you can find on your nipples too. I'm getting a hot flash just thinking about it, so I'm sure your husband will too - unless you're Mormons. Instead of champagne, have a case of beer chilled and ready to drink. Nothing could impress a man more. That should fit the budget and get your husband back in the mood for Valentine's Day. If this still doesn't excite him, you've got bigger problems. | |||||||||
Sincerely, Backyard Bill | |||||||||
Dear Backyard Bill, I just don't know what to make of this world today. President Bush must be walking around the oval office, in circles I might add, saying to himself, "When can we bomb somebody? Why can't I bomb Iraq?". Saddam is probably doing the same thing, except he actually executes somebody when he's getting a little over-stressed. Korea is ready to whack a whole bunch of people off the planet too. It's sick I tell you. I am so stressed out abut all of this I might just have to go whack something too! How do I handle this Backyard Bill? | |||||||||
Sincerely, War Torn | |||||||||
Dear War Torn, I think we have more to worry about than you think.! For years I have thought there must more to the western world's obesity problem. I wish to share with you my new insight full revelation on this changing and mystifying world we live in. There is a secret world government whose plan is to divide the general population into two segments. I know what you're thinking - the haves and the have nots. I believe there are the Fit and the Fat. When they're ready, this world government is going to set their chemical war fare agents into our environment. These secret chemicals, developed in labs in the centre of the earth, will cause people with more than 5% body fat to spontaneously combust. That will leave the skinny fit people left to clean up the mess and continue a perfect race of human beings. This is the secret agenda of many rich and powerful individuals, who, for the time being, will remain nameless, with the exception of President Bush, his Dad and Mr. Fred Impandopoulunian. Furthermore, I believe the war threats emanating out of the United States of America are nothing more than a rouse. They wish only to keep the minds of the masses busy with worry while they plan and connive. | |||||||||
Sincerely, Backyard Bill | |||||||||
Check back in a few weeks for more of Backyard Bill's great advice! | |||||||||
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