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They’re here!

On a recent vacation to Los Vegas, your publisher and her husband booked a flight over the Grand Canyon. Apparently they weren’t the only ones who were sight-seeing! There are several theories as to where these UFO’s come from. Are the pilots human or alien? Some beleive test pilots from the United States Air Force are in the drivers seat. “Area 51 is just miles away from Los Vegas. You can drive there in a matter of hours!” stated our pilot. He seems to think the US Military has developed a laser beam that acts as a beacon, calling aliens to earth and forcing them to crash land. That, of course, would be when we steel their technology to build our own flying saucers! One of the passengers, who enjoys out-of-body experiences regularly, says this is an interplanetary hotspot for celestial beings and aliens. Hhhmmmmm!

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said, "He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer."

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Psychology Voice Mail Recording

"Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
" If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. 
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the voices will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

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  TRIVIA

For a short time in 1967, the American Typers' Association made a new punctuation mark that was a combination of the question mark and an exclamation point called an interrobang. It was rarely used and hasn't been seen since. Great idea!?!!!!????!!

Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor -- the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993. Where are those Greek gods when you really need them!

On March 29, 1848, Niagara Falls stopped flowing for 30 hours because of an ice jam blocking the Niagara River. Global warming does have it's positive side!

Abdul Kassem Ismael, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels trained to walk in alphabetical order. Just think! He could have had a laptop computer!

Quebec and Newfoundland are the only two Canadian provinces which do not allow personalized license plates. That's probably because the French language is too wordy! Next time you start reading cooking directions on a package, compare how much space the French language takes up, as opposed to English.

There are currently more100 dollar bills in Russia than there are in the United States.

The extras in the the battle scenes in the movie Braveheart were reserves in the Irish army.

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Human Blowfish

Once again those genetic scientists have been pushing beyond ethical boundaries. This man has been used in experimental gene replacement. He has been injected with DNA from a common blowfish. Word has it that he is growing gills on his kneck, not visibible in this photo, and that he will soon be capable of swimming in ocean water under extreme conditions for long periods of time. What will they think of next!

Technocrats Delight

A computer specialist was helping a friend set up his computer. He wanted to log in with a password.... so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he keys in "penis" The computer's reply! *** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ** Do you think these things are smarter than they look?

You Can't Take it With You!

A penny-pinching lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. He was determined to prove the saying, "You can't take it with you" wrong!

After much thought and consideration, the old fart finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. (I wonder how she figured that one out! One's? Ten's??) He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. He planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven when he died.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife had gone up in the attic to clean. Coming upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash she exclaimed, "Oh, that darned old fool, I knew we should have put the money in the basement."

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  NET NOTHINGS

Since wasting your time is becoming top priority, we've got a few new links to try!

Phone Spell
www.phonespell.org

Find out what different words your phone number can spell.

Joke Wallpaper
www.jokewallpaper.com

This site offers wallpapers and start-up and shut down screens.

Internet Anagram Server
www.wordsmith.org/anagram

Find out what new words can be made out of your name.

450,000 Baby Names
www.kabalarians.com

Names and there meanings. You can even have your name annalysed!

Character and Temperament
keirsey.com

Rate your temperament in a test

Testing, Testing, 1. 2. 3.
www.queendom.com/intellig.html

Different tests that you can take, intelligence,relationships, personality, etc. I found out how awesome I am!

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