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HOME
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 We’ve
seen a few mysterious circles in the fields this
summer, mostly out
in the Oro-Medonte area. We at Crackers are
proud to say that we did
prove it possible to accurately make one, or two, or
even three accurate
ellipses as can be seen here! Shown above is Linda,
walking in circles
with her trusty board, Lynn in the centre of it all
and Herman Koeslag
of Eye in the Sky Photography giving us a bird’s eye
view
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CRACKS |
It's
All Bull
A
Blond & a Brunette find they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch,
they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their
own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then
takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch
where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon
leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if
I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out
after me and haul it home."
The
brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull,
and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her
that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him,
she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news.
She
walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought
a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to
our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home."
The
telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help
her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well,
after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.
She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister
one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and
says, "I want you to send her the word,
'comfortable'."
The
telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever
going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to
your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull
back to your ranch if you send her the word,
'comfortable'?"
The
brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read
it slow."
Warning
labels
Beer
companies will soon be placing warning labels on thier
product, like those on cigarette packages. Some of these
warnings are as follows…
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)
gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary (whose species
and or name you can't remember).
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at
four in the morning
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TRIVIA
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Happiness
in the mouth
When
Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product
something that when pronounced sounded like
"Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the
characters used meant "Bite the wax tadpole."
They later changed to a set of characters that mean
"Happiness in the mouth."
Some
useful information this time!
A
list of the possible uses for fabric softener sheets - you
know, the ones you put in the dryer with your clothes!
- It
will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.
- Repels
mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop
when outdoors during mosquito season.
- This
stuff is designed to help eliminate static cling, so
wipe your television screen with a used sheet of to
keep dust from resettling.
- Dissolve
soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of
Bounce.
- Prevent
thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a
sheet before beginning to sew.
- Freshen
the air in your car. Place a sheet of under the front
seat.
- Clean
baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a
pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge
clean. The antistatic agent apparently weakens the
bond between the food and the pan while the fabric
softening agents soften the baked-on food
- Eliminate
odours in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the
bottom of the wastebasket.
- Collect
cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of will
magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
- Eliminate
static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe the
blinds with a sheet of to prevent dust from
resettling.
- Wipe
up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used
sheet will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.
- Eliminate
odours in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of
Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.
- Deodorize
shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet in your shoes or
sneakers overnight so they will smell better in the
morning.
DO
NOT USE Fabric Softener Sheets to wipe your private parts
or to get that fresh feeling with feminine napkins!
Queen
Victoria, 1837 -
1st English monarch to live in Buckingham Palace.
Charles
Blondin (Jean Francois Gravelet), 1859 -
1st person to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
Jesse
James, 1873
- committed the world's first train robbery on July 21.
(Adair, Iowa)
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STUFF |
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- Rats
get Patents on people.
- People
riot, seeking Palliative Care Funds for runaway
biological replacement organs
Birthday
Barbie
A
man was driving home one evening and realized that it was
his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked
the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the
window?"
The
Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to
the gym' for $19.95.. 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95
... 'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...'Barbie goes to the
beach' for $19.95 ...'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for
$19.95.. and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00".
"Why
is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are
$19.95?" Dad asked surprised.
"Divorced
Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's
dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."
Dear
Redneck Son,
I'm
writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home.
Your
dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within
20 miles of your home, so we moved. I
won't
be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas
family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This
place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of
clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week;
the first time for three days and the second time for four
days.
About
that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said
it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons
on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba
locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your
sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what
it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.
The baby looks like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into
a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but
he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated...he
burned for three days.
Three
of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch
was driving. He rolled down the window and
swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate
down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much
out of the normal has happened...
Your
favorite Aunt,
Mom
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NET NOTHINGS
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Since
wasting your time is becoming top priority, we've got a few
new links to try!
Dress
the Queen of England for Halloween
http://www.artcomic.com/shock89.html
Instead of dressing like the Queen of
England for Halloween, you can dress her up!
UFO
Abduction Insurance
http://www.ufo2002.com/
So
you thought you had everything covered!
Strange
Anomolies!
http://www.sonic.net/~anomaly/index.htm
Anomalies
is a database of paranormal (and allegedly paranormal)
events, objects,
and people, compiled from a variety of sources and traced
back to
their earliest reports. Oooooh
The
Ghost Watcher
http://www.flyvision.org/sitelite/Houston/GhostWatcher/
Watch for ghosts on live cameras set-up under people’s
beds and in their closets,
and report on your findings. Sounds like true excitement
to me!
50
Hilarious Things to do in Wal-Mart
http://www.expage.com/page/thejokepage3
This one is pretty self-explanatory! Very
funny.
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