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Why women really want to go to the land down under!

Pinocchio Grows Up 

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who sometimes complained about splinters when they were making love. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Ghepetto to see if he could help. Ghepetto suggested he try using sandpaper wherever indicated. Pinocchio skipped away hoping this would smooth things over…. A couple of weeks later, Ghepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's things with your girlfriend, son?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Divorce Court

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge asked Mickey, while looking over the divorce documents, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's bonking Goofy."

Can’t we all just get along?

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan "I've seduced more women than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton?

submitted by email. also found at http://members.tripod.com/~BABEonHD/fairytales.html

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  TRIVIA

Olympics Trivia

Marathons - The length of Olympic and other marathons is 26 miles and 365 yards. But why, you may ask, 26 miles and 365 yards and not a nice round 25 miles? First of all, this was not always the length of marathons. The standard was set at the 1908 Olympics held in London. There the marathon started at the Windsor Castle and ended at the Royal Box in the Olympic stadium. The length was, you guessed it, 26 miles and 365 yards. Little silly and highly self-important, but you know how seriously the Brits take the royalty, don't you?

The logo - According to most accounts, the rings were adopted by Baron Pierre de Coubertin (founder of the modern Olympic Movement) in 1913 after he saw a similar design on an artifact from ancient Greece. The five rings represent the five major regions of the world Africa, the Americas, Asia, Europe, and Oceania. Every national flag in the world includes at least one of the five colors, which are (from left to right) blue, yellow, black, green, and red.

The flag - The Olympic Flag made its debut at the 1920 Olympic Games in Antwerp, Belgium. At the end of each Olympic Games, the mayor of that host-city presents the flag to the mayor of the next host-city. It then rests at the town hall of the next host-city for four years until the Opening Ceremony of their Olympic Games.

The Olympic Motto - The Olympic motto is "Citius, Altius, Fortius." These three Latin words mean "Swifter, Higher, Stronger." Baron de Coubertin borrowed the motto from Father Henri Martin Dideon, the headmaster of Arcueil College in Paris. Father Dideon used the motto to describe the great achievements of the athletes at his school. Coubertin felt it could be used to describe the goals of great athletes all over the World.

The first games to be held in the southern hemisphere were the 1956 Melbourne Australia games.

The Olympic Flame - The tradition of lighting an Olympic Flame comes from the ancient Greeks. During the Ancient Olympic Games, a sacred flame was lit from the sun’s rays at Olympia, and stayed lit until the Games were completed. This flame represented the "endeavor for protection and struggle for victory." It was first introduced into our Modern Olympics at the 1928 Amsterdam Games. Since then, the flame has come to symbolize "the light of spirit, knowledge, and life."

The Torch Relay - It began in the Ancient Olympics and was revived at the 1936 Berlin Games. Originally, the torch was lit at Olympia in Greece and then carried by relay to the host-city of the games. The last runner carries the torch into the Olympic Stadium during the Opening Ceremony. The flame is then lit from the torch and will remain lit until it is extinguished during the Closing Ceremony. The Torch Relay symbolizes the passing of Olympic traditions from one generation to the next!

Ancient Stuff - The ancient Olympics grew out of religious festivals that many Greek cities held to honor their gods. Athletic contests, like foot racing and wrestling, were part of these festivals. As Greece became a bigger and more important country, the cities started holding a large festival as a sign of unity. They eventually chose a place called Olympia to hold the festival, partly because of its many religious temples. Every four years, all wars were stopped as the country came together to honor the god Zeus.

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Animal Crackers

• The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them observed, "Look Spot? Pay toilets!"

• A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed. The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"

The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"

The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.

In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...

Another Blonde Joke…

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

A. The blonde, because she's 18.

A little bit of male bashing…

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams

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  NET NOTHINGS

Since wasting your time is becoming top priority, we've got a few new links to try!

101 Funny Links
http://www.sharewareplace.com/101/101humor.shtml
Guess who's listed there! Some really funny link and few that are just OK

For the Classy Art Lover
http://www.mytime.ca
Anthony Quinn has apperently opened up shop right here in Barrie! How cool is that!

Magic Card Trick
http://www.magiccardtrick.com/
It will shock and amaze you, and both at the same time.

Travel Biorhythm
http://www.travelspots.com/java/biorhythm.htm
I just like to see how many actual days I lived...

Flushing Online Network
http://www.laingsburg.net/fun.htm
If you want to get a few famous people's email addresses, this is the place to go! Brad Pitt, here we come!

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