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It
looks like the senior citizens of Palm Beach County have suffered
from Electile Dysfunction for long enough. After Al Gore’s
request for a nine month extension so the pregnant chads could
give birth, the Federal Supreme Court knew it was time to make a
decision. Moments after Gore addressed the nation he donned his
new clown suit and stated, "The biggest obstacle I faced
during this competition was my own stiff nature. I am going to
Oakland Clown College for the next four years. By the next
election I’ll be loosened up and ready to go!" Bush dawned
his favourite overalls & clip on tie and informed the world
that "the first Bill I plan to pass is Bill Clinton on his
way out the door!" President elect Bush also plans a change
in official attire in Washington. Concealed side arms will be
optional.
Teaser
Answers - Issue 1, 2002
- It
is impossible for anyone to survive longer than one week
without drinking, yet Abdullah managed a ten day desert
crossing without finding water or bringing any along. How was
this possible?
A
desert is a region so arid that is supports little or no
vegetation. Many areas of the far north are also considered
deserts, which is where Abdullah made his ten day crossing. He
survived by eating ice and snow.
- I
am so cold and hard.
I have been since land’s first dawn,
Before water first fell.
I fear no evil, nor find wind or fire inspirational.
What am I?
A
Rock
- If
big is beautiful, then that is I.
The warmth in my heart is the spirit shared by all.
I have eight furry friends, all known by name,
With many assistants who run things so well!
If you know who I am, be sure I know you!
Santa
Clause
- How
far do you have to travel to reach the North Pole, if you
start from the equator and always head North West?
This
route is not possible. If you were at the North Pole, the only
direction in which you can leave is South. Therefore to arrive
by going North West you must be able to leave by South East,
which is not possible.
- Can
you name the ten body parts that are only 3 letters long. None
of them are slang or sleeze. Five are below the neck and five
are above.
1.
Arm 2. Leg 3. Rib 4. Toe 5. Hip 6. Eye
7. Ear 8. Jaw 9. Lip 10. Gum
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CRACKS |
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The
Lord Will Provide
A
woman wakes up one morning to find that the river is rising and is
flooding her house. The rising water forces her to the second
floor. Just then, a man in a row boat appears and yells for her to
jump. "No, thank you," says the woman, "the Lord
will provide."
The
water continues to rise, forcing her onto her roof. A second boat
arrives and the woman again refuses help stating, "No, thank
you, the Lord will provide."
The
water continues to rise, forcing the woman to the top of her
chimney stack. A third boat arrives and again the woman refuses
help stating, "No, thank you, the Lord will provide."
After
drowning, the woman demands to see the Lord as she arrives in
heaven. Disappointed, the woman said, "I thought the Lord
would provide?"
"For
crying' out loud, lady," says the Lord, "I sent three
boats!"
Typo
Heavan
"I
have a spelling checker
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew."
-Janet
Minor
Hospital
Humour
Two
little boys were in the hospital laying next to each other. The
first boy, Jimmy, leaned over and asked, "What are you in
here for?"
The
second boy, Ricky, said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out
and I'm a little nervous."
Jimmy
said, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done to
me once. You go to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots
of Jell-O and ice cream. It's so sweat!"
Ricky
then asked, "What are you in here for?"
Little
Jimmy responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
Little
Ricky replied, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I
couldn't walk for a year!"
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TRIVIA
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Some
Canadian Trivia, just to remind us that Bush is not our
President!
Canada
is the 2nd largest country in the world by land area after
Russia.
Canada
is the 2nd largest exporter of potatoes in the world of
which 75% comes from the tiny province of Prince Edward
Island.
Canada
has the world's tallest free standing structure, which is
the C.N. Tower in Toronto and stands 553.34 m.
The
tallest mountain in Canada is Mt. Logan which stands 5959
m, and there are four other mountains over 5000 m in the
Yukon Territory.
Weather
Facts!
12,000
gallons of water is needed to make one inch of snow for
one acre of ski slope.
The
twenty-four hour weather forecast is typically 87%
accurate, while the five day forecast is usually 56%
accurate.
It
takes a million snowflakes to cover a two-square foot area
to a depth of ten inches.
About
16 million tons of rain and snow fall on the earth every
second.
The
average sneeze produces a wind about 130 mph tornado
force.
One
pail of water can produce enough fog to cover 150 square
miles to a depth of 50 feet.
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STUFF |
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New
Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies
- I
will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses.
- I
will stop sending e-mail to my wife.
- I
resolve to work with neglected children—my own.
- I
will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I
answer my e-mail.
- I
resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a
week...okay, monthly then...or maybe...
- I
will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.
- When
I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won’t
reply "MS Tech Support."
- I
will read the manual.
- I
will think of a password other than "password."
- I
will stop checking my e-mail at 300 in the morning.
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NET NOTHINGS
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Since
wasting your time is becoming top priority, we've got a few
new links to try!
Making
fun of Dr. Suess
http://www.seuss.org/seuss/seuss.parody.html
Take a look before you go to the movies to see The Grinch Who
Stole Christmas! You’ll remember why they’re rhyming so much!
I
Live Online
http://www.iliveonline.com
If you don’t WANT to get a life, live here! Check out Gear you
Gotta Have, scroll down to the bottom, and click on Elmo.
Useless
Knowledge
http://www.uselessknowledge.com
Quizzes, quotes and a cool link in case the boss is coming, just
to make you look smart.
Human
Zoo
http://members.tripod.com/human-zoo
Insanity at its most ridiculous.
Chantessy's
Rainbow Magic Page of Fun
http://www.rainbow-magic.com/fun
A great place to keep kids minds active during a blizzard!
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