A teenage girl came home from school and asked her mother about sex. "Is it true? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that she wouldn't have to fully explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"

Grandpa & Grandma were visiting the kids overnight when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills and the son said "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

$10.00 a pill answered the son.

"I don't care" said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill"

The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow.

He said to Grandpa "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know" said Grandpa, the extra hundred is from Grandma."

Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than it's shaft. The study took two years and cost over $175,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After their results were published, Germany conducted their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $275,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German Study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The poles didn't really trust the British or German studies. So ,after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of around $85.00, the Polish Study was complete. They came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft, is to prevent their hand from flying off and hitting them in the forehead.

Tickling was outlawed in some ancient Middle Eastern countries because it was thought to be an aphrodisiac.

"Coprastasophobia" is the fear of constipation.

You can tell a turtle's sex by the noise it makes. Males grunt, females hiss.

Barbie’s last name is Roberts.

Dendrophiliacs prefer trees as sex partners.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The first car accident occurred in 1896.

Jim Morrison (of The Doors) was the first rock star to be arrested on stage.

On the average, there are eight peas in a pod.

Cats can't taste sweets.

The 1997 Jack Nicholson film As Good As It Gets is known in China as Mr. Cat Poop.

Studies show Australian women are the most likely to have sex on the first date.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. <--- important to me, as those are my two favourite winter activities!

Here are some REALLY BAD Jokes!

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

"If two rednecks get divorced, are they still cousins?"

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

What do you get when you cross an Indian with a cow?

Geronimoo.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a kilt?

Hopscotch.

Oh, Tender Youth

A father asked his son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" he said, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked his son what was wrong. He sobbed intermittently, trying to answer "Dad, for me there was no Santa Claus by age six, no Easter Bunny when I was seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. If you're telling me now that grownups really don't have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"