A doctor of
psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He
found Patient #1
sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was
hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was
doing.
The
patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor
inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's
my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."
The doctor
looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks
Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he
hurts himself"
Patient #1
replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
Email
submission from Albert Picard
CRACKS
Road
Rage
An elderly couple was
driving cross-country. The old lady was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol for driving way over the speed limit.
The officer asks, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are
from Arkansas. I
spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman
I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he say?"
"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.
An email
submission from Clare Smith
Why
Yelling At a Man Doesn't Work
What the wife says:
This place is a mess!
C'mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
you'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!"
What the hubby hears
blah, blah, blah, blah,
C'MON blah, blah, blah,
blah, YOU AND I blah, blah,blah,
blah, ON THE
FLOOR blah, blah, blah,
blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,blah,
blah, RIGHT NOW.
An email
submission from Darren Tremblay
More
Sex Education!
A man walks into a drug
store with his 7-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them
to have safe sex."
"Oh I see." replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3
in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for
Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these
for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for
Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking
up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one
for February, one for March........"
Dead
Poet's Society aka Project Gutenberg http://www.promo.net/pg/index.html You will find classic books from the start of this century and previous centuries,
pre-1923. So, for you brainiacs who have always wanted to read Dante's Comedy, download
it and readit without ever having to go all the way to the library!
Build
Your Ego http://www2.egosurf.com/ See if you can find yourself on the internet and build your ego at the same time! Or
destroy it, depending on how many people are dissing you!
Just
In Case Your Dog is Having a Bad Day! http://www.doghoroscopes.com/ If you really want to know your dog better, check this site out. I'm a cat person
myself!
