Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

Josh and his wife went to the state fair every year. Each time, Josh would say, "I'd like to ride in that airplane." Every year, his wife would say, "I know, Josh, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars. Ten dollars is ten dollars."

Yet another year. Josh and his wife attend the fair again, and this time Josh means business. "I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year, I may never get another chance."

"That airplane ride costs ten dollars Josh. Ten dollars is ten dollars," replied his wife.

The pilot overheard them. "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it'll cost you ten dollars." Josh and his wife agree. The pilot flies ike a wild man, doing all kinds of twists and turns, but not a word is uttered by Josh or his wife. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Josh. "I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Josh replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when my wife fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Some players try to intimidate opponents by grabbing their genitals during tackles, but Australia's National Rugby League concluded in March that West Tigers' player John Hopoate went a little bit too far when he routinely stuck his finger in his opponents' anuses. He has been suspended for 12 weeks, but Hopoate resigned. Several days later he was back in the news. He was seeking legal action against the New Zealand Cancer Society for using his photo in ads to publicize the value of prostate exams. [Sydney Morning Herald, 3-29-01]

Gordon Zwicky's outrageous tale about his trip to Florida earned him top honors in this year's Burlington Liars Club (Burlington Wisconsin) contest. Zwicky, 72, beat out 299 other entries from 31 states and Canada. Zwicky claimed he and his wife, Dorothy, won the lottery and decided to drive to Florida. Their neighbour told them they would be fine if they paid close attention to the road signs. ''Thirty miles from home they saw a sign stating, 'Clean Restrooms Ahead.' Two months later they arrived in Florida,'' the tale read. By that time, they had cleaned 450 restrooms using 267 rolls of paper towels, three cases of bowl cleaner and 86 bottles of Windex. They were so tired, they immediately left for home.

Specially commissioned Braille posters on the subject of equal treatment for the blind were on display this winter at the Truro Leisure Center in England and the University of Alberta in Edmonton. Sighted people cannot read the posters because the words are only in Braille, and the blind cannot read the posters because all of the limited-edition posters were hung on the wall behind glass covers, to "protect" them. [Edmonton Journal, 2-27-01]

A suspected shoplifter in Muskegon Heights, Mich. was found after dropping her purse at the scene of a crime. The woman allegedly set off an anti-theft alarm as she fled a family dollar store. She dropped her purse in a parking lot while being chased. When she went to the police station to retrieve her lost purse, after calling first of course, she was promptly arrested.

A Ukrainian candy company in Kiev has begun marketing what may be the stickiest, richest and most fattening treat on the market - pure pork fat covered in chocolate. Cracking open a finger-sized stick of ''Fat in Chocolate'' reveals exactly that a vein of white fat. The dark chocolate product pokes fun at the traditional Ukrainian snack of salo, or salted pork fat, usually consumed with vodka and pickles. I would have to drink a mickey of Vodka before I even looked at "Fat in Chocolate"

Chain Mail

This is internet chain mail. Some creative shyster started sending out chain mail the minute the first post office was open hoping to pray upon people's inane need for superstition. The ____ would get people sending him (or her) money in order for this good fortune to befall them. Now it's on the internet! Gees!!! You can't send money but you are guaranteed to waste your time.

Good Luck .. and by the way, the phone rang for me (and does 'not' usually ring at 800 am in the morning) "while" I was reading this and right "after" I finished reading this ?!?$

Amy Bear - My phone always rings when someone calls me too! Imagine that!!

This Is Scary!!! The Phone Will Ring Right After You Do This. Just read the little stories and make a wish. Scroll all the way to the bottom and there is a little message there then do it. - I don't need a Chain letter to make a wish come true!

I'm 13 years old, and I wished that my dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg. It was 253 p.m. That I'd made the wish. At 307 p.m. (14 minutes later), the doorbell rang, and there he was, luggage and all!!

Kathie - Well, there you go! He should have been there 13 minutes later. He was a whole minute late. This should prove that this is all malarkey.

I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting. I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was a 135 and at 255 there was an announcement that he was promoted.

Lorrie - I think she made the wrong wish. If this was really any good, Lorrie would have got the promotion and the raise that usually goes with it.

Believe me... this really works!!! Oh Please...

Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, make a wish. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true (ex. you are 15 years old, it will take 15 minutes for your wish to come true). If you don't send this to 5 people in 5 minutes, you will have bad luck for years!!

> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > Go!!!
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ******
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ******************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ******************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ************************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ******************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ************
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ********
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *******
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ******
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > *****
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ****
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > ***
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > **
> > > > > > >> > > > > > > > * STOP!!!

Congratulations!!!

Your wish will now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this carefully.... it can be very rewarding!!!! If you send

this to 10 more people, other than the 5 that you already have to send

to, something major that you've been wanting will happen.

Message This is scary! The phone will ring right after you do this!

Just in case you were wondering what I wished - the first time I received this I wished for world peace. Didn't happen. This time I thought I would wish for something that wasn't so distant an opportunity. I wished for more money than brains. Since I'm not exactly a rocket scientist I thought there might yet be hope!