I wonder what the people in NewBrunswick did to deserve this last week? (week of April 23-27)

HIGH TECH MILKING MACHINE

Old farmer Joe ordered a high-tech milking machine a few years back. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town visiting thier daughter, he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

Something tells me that this is a true story!

An Apple a Day...

It was visitors day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria", and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding and red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."

"Yes, I'm very proud to them", said the conductor.

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor. "What are they called?"

"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor! "It's the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

There are three words in the English language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. Everyone knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. Everyone uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word. What is it?

__________gry?

Interesting Word Trivia, to go along with our Brain Buster

PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS (45 letters; a lung disease caused by breathing in certainparticles) is the longest word in any English-language dictionary. (It is also spelled -koniosis.)

FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION (29 letters; an estimation of something as worthless) is the longest word in the first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. In this word the letter i occurs nine times, but e, the most commonly used letter in English, does not occur.

It appeared on March 14, 1996, in "Zippy," a comic strip distributed by King Features Syndicate

Do you think I may be too quick to find fault with things and people, Zippy?

Yeh.

Th' 'floccinaucinihilipilification' process.

Th' what?

Floccinaucinihilipilification!! It means 'the estimation of something as valueless'!

You've been randomly reading th' dictionary, haven't you?

Yes. That and my natural tendency toward antifloccinaucinihilipilification!!

The 1992 Guinness Book of World Records calls floccinaucinihilipilification "the longest real word in the Oxford English Dictionary," whereas it calls pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis "the longest made-up word in the Oxford English Dictionary."

- Now that you know about the word, try and say it.

ANTICONSTITUTIONNELLEMENT is the longest official word in French [Jacques Raymond Kilchoër]. - Can't forget the French guys!

GOOGOL is a 1 followed by 100 zeros. Mathematician Edward Kasner supposedly asked his nephew Milton Sirotta to suggest a name for the number, and he came up with this word, which is now found in many dictionaries. The million, billion, trillion, quadrillion system skips over this number. A googolplex is 1 followed by a googol of zeros. - What a cool word! I would like to come home from work with Googols of money some day...

The most commonly used words in spoken English are I, YOU, THE, and A. - Well Dahhh!

OF is apparently the only word in which an F is pronounced like a V. - That's good, 'cause the "F" word wouldn't be nearly as effective pronouncing it with a "V"

The shortest -ology (study of) word is OOLOGY (the study of eggs). - When I grow up I want to be an Oologist!

According to James Joyce, CUSPIDOR is the most beautiful word in English [Dickson]. - Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.

All this Brain Building info was found at http://members.aol.com/gulfhigh2/words.html

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

Two ladies were out having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told her Clare. That's amazing!" Clare replied, "So have Brad and I." Linda, no longer feeling alone, admitted that they were thinking of going to a sex therapist.

Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Clare. "But after you go, let know how it went?"

Several weeks passed and they met for lunch again. "So, how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?"

"Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to remove it. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"

With that endorsement, Clare talked her husband into going to that very same sex therapist.

After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Brad and Clare into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said. But doctor," Clare whined, "You did such good for Linda and Jim, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?"

Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios......"

submitted by Clare

The old man, the boy and the donkey

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and the boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame. He makes that little boy walk. They decided they both would walk. Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.

So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.