Eating Grass May be Hazardous to Your Health

A young couple is under a tree on campus making out late one night. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight."

"Why's that?" he asks.

She says, "Because you've been eating grass for 15 minutes."

A Few Really Really Lame Jokes

Miscellaneous Facts

One of the listed ingredients of Fruitopia fruit juice is cochineal—that's a red dye made from the pulverized bodies of insects. - oooh, yummy!

About 7% of all working Americans have at some time worked at McDonalds. - my guess is at least 50% of them were fired but are too embarassed to admit it! Not me! I can admit it!

The origin of the word "Eskimo" comes from the Algonquin word for "he eats it raw" or "eats raw flesh." - not as yummy as Fruitopia.

There are nine nuts per ounce of Cracker Jacks.

AUSIE LINGO!

A Bewdy list of Australlian Lingo. We'll try to remember to update more lingo next Thursday night (May 24th). We need to find out what "dobbing in a mate" means. So good Cobbers, I'm going to the Dunny because I have a few Dead Marines sitting on me desk. then I will retreive more Amber Fluid from my fridge and 'avago at some Duck's Guts.

All the go popular

'avago Try harder

Amber fluid beer

Arvo Afternoon

Having a Blue having a fight or argument

Bewdy good or the best

Bloke Australian male

Bingle car accident

Big note make yourself out to be important

Bagged someone critisize someone

Balls up terrible mistake

Beyond the Black stump far from the city

Billy container used to make a cup of tea

Bonzer excellent

Boomer kangaroo

Blue Heeler police

Barney fight (to have a barney)

Belt up! asked to be quite, in a angry way

Berko lose control of your temper, go crazy

Booze bus Van used by police to random test motorists for alcohol

Bunyip mythical outback creature. I think we have these in Canada too!

Builders bum butt crack

Bog go to the toilet

Chinwag having a conversation

Carked it someones died

Cockie farmer

Chunder vomit

Cobber a friend

Cot case a drunk or exhausted person

Cobberdobber someone who dobs in a mate. Now we have to find out what "dobs in" means!

Dunny the toilet

Dinki-di something good from a Australia OR originating from downunder

Dead marine empty beer bottle

Dropped your bundle to lose control of the situation

Dry as a dead dingo's donger drought or very dry climate

Drongo someone who is stupid

Digger Australian soldier

Dodgy something suspicious and underhanded is going on

Do the lolly to get very angry

Dijeridu Aboriginal wind musical instrument

Donk engine in a car, boat or motor bike

Duck's Guts something that is interesting

Summer is Truly Here!

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As Maureen bent over to start pulling weeds, the Ralph says, "Honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it is as big as the gas grill." Ralph picked up his yardstick, to prove his point. First he measured the grill, then his wife's butt. "Yeah," he says, "just about the same size, alright!"

That evening Ralph got some ideas in his head and started to cuddle up to his wife saying, "How about a little lovemaking honey?" Maureen turned over and put her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked. She answered, sarcastically, "You don't think I'm going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"

THE GENIE

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee Roger said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." His wife Eileen teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. Roger cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie and was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" said Roger. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at his beautiful wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", Roger asked.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." Roger looked at his wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't mind."

The genie took Roger's wife Eileen upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at Eileen, and asked "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?.... That's amazing."

Got the Clap

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

Ten were men and one was a woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

All of the men started clapping .....

They were all blond men too!

Email submissions from Clare.