Here's a few birthday jokes for ya!

40th Birthday

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:

"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!"

"LET US SPRAY"

A joy of which I'll not partake
Is eating children's birthday cake.
To "blow out" candles, in a word,
Is really patently absurd:
Each puff contains sufficient moisture
To propagate your av'rage oyster.
So, Birthday-Boy and ditto-Daughter,
Withhold from me your whiff of water.
I do not need some little squirt
To atomize on my dessert.
Among the things I will not do
Is have my cake and drink it, too.

Better All The Time

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with  this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just  getting better."

Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting  better' at the bottom."

It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake
 that he discovered that the cake read:

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinately…" Ogden Nash

Some Canada Day Trivia!

Canada Day

Canada Day has been celebrated under many names since its origins.  The first Confederation Day was celebrated on the first anniversary of Confederation.

On June 20, 1868 a proclamation issued by the Governor General, Lord Monck, enjoined and called upon all Her Majesty's loving subjects throughout Canada to join in the celebration of the Anniversary of the formation of the Dominion of Canada on the 1st of July, 1868.

On May 15, 1879, Royal Assent was given to "An Act to make the first day of July a Public Holiday by the name of Dominion Day" (House of Commons Debates, 1879, Vol.II, p. 2047).

Canadian Confederation

In 1867 the British North America Act brought together the provinces of Canada, divided into Ontario and Quebec, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, to form the Dominion of Canada. In 1869, having acquired the rights from the Hudson's Bay Company, the Dominion transformed the former Rupert's Land and the area  beyond the Rocky Mountains into the North West Territories. In 1870, the old Red River settlement joined the Dominion as the province of Manitoba. In 1871 British Columbia joined the union. In 1873 Prince Edward Island joined Confederation.

Whether based in reality or not, the fear of annexation played a definite role in the achievement of Canadian Confederation and in shaping its constitution. Seeing the horror of war that resulted from the divisiveness of American federalism, the Fathers of Confederation decided that Canada should have a stronger federal government than the one south of the border.

The Underground Railway

Black slaves were brought to Canada as early as 1608.  The Underground Railway was a network of safe houses and individuals who helped runaway slaves reach free states in the American North or Canada. It operated from about 1840 to 1860. It was most effective after the passage of the Fugitive Slave Act in 1850 which enabled slave hunters to pursue runaways onto free soil. It is estimated that about 30,000 blacks reached Canada by the "railway." The best-known "conductor" was Harriet Tubman, known as the "Black Moses" of her people.

In 1858 the famous white American abolitionist John Brown visited Canada. He chose Chatham, in Canada West, as a safe base from which to develop his strategy, draw up a constitution for his planned provisional government and drum up support for the abolitionist cause.

Two black newspapers, Voice of the Fugitive and Provincial Freeman, were published in Canada. They attacked racism, created a more sympathetic climate for blacks and provided helpful advice.

Little Known Stories 

Sarah Emma Edmonds of New Brunswick enlisted in the Union army under a man's name in 1861. Masquerading as a "he," she served as a nurse, spy and general's aide for two years. She fought in the cavalry at Antietam and went on to fight with the western armies until she became sick. She then lived in St. Louis, a city full of Confederate spies, whom she in turn spied upon for the North. She married and settled in the United States where her comrades-in-arms found out her true identity at a regimental reunion in 1884.

Sarah Emma Edmonds

Calixa Lavallée

Calixa Lavallée, the composer of O Canada, was born at Verchères, Quebec, in 1842. He left for the U.S. in 1857 and lived in Rhode Island where he enlisted in the Northern army.  During and after the war he moved between Canada and the United States developing his career in music. He died in Boston in 1891 and his remains were brought to Montreal in 1933.

What Crackers has in Common with Canada Day?

They share the same birthday
They are both Canadian

Back In Time

"What would you most like for your birthday?"
His wife replied, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he dragged her off to Canada's Wonderland. He put her on every ride in the park-- the Bungee Jump, all of the Roller Coasters, water rides - everything.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. It was McDonald's for supper, with a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to the movies to see Star Wars along with more burgers, popcorn, cola and junk.

They collapsed into bed at home at the end of the day. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, what was it like being ten again?"

She groaned, "Actually I meant dress size"

TOP thing NOT to SAY when FORGETTING Someone's BIRTHDAY

"It was during hockey season."

"I didn't forget.  I just had all of the department stores, florists and bakeries shut down in tribute."

"I was out celebrating. I just forgot to bring you!"

Remind her how you accidentally sent her flowers on your girlfriend's birthday.

"I thought you stopped aging when you turned 39 - oh, you're only 37?"

"That Syphilis I got from that call girl has addled your brain."

" I was concerned so many candles on the cake would burn the house down."

Male Men-Oh-Pause

It was my 45th birthday!  I got up for breakfast and didn't get one single "Happy Birthday" from my wife or kids. As I walked into my office, Victoria said, "Good Morning, Boss... Happy Birthday." Then I felt a little better that someone remembered.

At lunch she knocked at the door and said, "you know, it's such a beautiful day outside. Let's go out to lunch - just you and me ". We went to lunch.  Instead of going across the street to the usual spot, we went to a little place in the country, which was more private. We had two tequilas, and lunch was tremendous. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. Do we have to go back to the office?" I said, "No, I guess not". She said, "let's go over to my apartment and I'll fix you another drink".

We went to her apartment and enjoyed another drink and had a smoke. Victoria said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and change into something more comfortable." I thought that was a great idea!

She went into the bedroom, and in about five minutes she came out of the bedroom carrying a large birthday cake, followed by my wife and children, and they were all singing "Happy Birthday."

And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.