Master Plan

Sabina and Todd decided that the only way to get a Saturday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The Dillon began his commentary as his parents tried getting some action. "I think someone just ran over the neighbour's cat," he said. "An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Jones's have company," he called out.

"Old Lady Hawkings just came back from grocery shopping, and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too!"

A Lesson in Math!

A poor suffering man had a 25-inch penis. Of course he was having problems getting any because it was simply too large. So he went to a Uroligist to ask him if there was anything he could do. The doctor told him there is a medical procedure, but it'll cost about $10,000.

Poor Long John didn't have that kind of money but really needed to get this taken care of. The doctor told him about an old local myth that stated if a man went down to the lake and asked a certain frog to marry him, his penis would shrink five inches every time it said no.

Since the guy could not possibly afford the money for the operation, he headed down to the lake. After spending about an hour asking every frog in sight if it would marry him, he asked this one frog sitting on a rock, "Frog, will you marry me?"

Suddenly the frog opened it's mouth and said, "No." The guy felt something move in his pants and when he looked down, his penis was 20 inches! 20 inches is obviously still too big so once again the guy asked, "Frog, will you marry me?" Once again the frog said, "No."

The guy looked down and his member was 15 inches. One more time and everything would be perfect John thought to himself. So one last time, he asked the frog if it would marry him.

The frog replied, "How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, no!"

Quote of the Week

"Immature love says, "I love you because I need you."

Mature love says, "I need you because I love you." "

Erich Fromm

Some facts of interest, pertaining to marriage and relationships…

The percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again - 80 % The percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man - 50 % The percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation - 58%

The Fresh Feeling

Two little boys go into the grocery store. Johnnie is nine, and little Jimmie is four years old.

Johnnie, the nine-year old, carries a package of tampons to the register for check-out.

The cashier, Belinda asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?"

Johnnie shakes his head and replies, Nope, not for my Mom."

Belinda "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

Nine-year old "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier, curious now "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"

Johnnie old says, "They're for my four-year old brother."

Surprised, Belinda asks, "Your little brother right here??"

Johnnie explains "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either!"