The Big Layoff

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...'

And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I'm just not that kind of girl!'

Sinner

Joe goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

"So then, why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody."

Quote of the Week

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." -David Borenstein, January 28, 2000

I know this one has been around the internet a bit, but it's so important for us all to keep things in perspective isn't it…

Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $ 10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 = $ 9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $ 10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $ 10.00 per gallon

Pint of milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $ 12.72 per gallon

STP Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 = $ 33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $ 178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4oz for $3.85 = $ 123.20 per gallon

Scope 1.5oz for $0.99 = $ 84.48 per gallon

Evian water 9oz for $1.49 = $ 21.19 per gallon

Who woulda thunk it?!!

an email submission from Ron Miriarty

Too Black To Sing

Legendary operatic star Marian Anderson was barred from performing at Constitution Hall by the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) because she was black. This is why Eleanor Roosevelt resigned from the DAR.

Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive! Ah Ah Ah Aaah

In 1989 a rock half a mile in diameter intersected the earth's orbit but missed us by 6 hours. We did not know about it until it had passed. it's hard to see rocks in space because they are non radio-active. If it had slammed into us the total energy release would have exceeded that of all the nuclear weapons on earth.

The Devil and Mrs. Chung

Mrs Chung of Los Angeles was possessed by a demon so that she would "at times refuse to obey her husband"; so exorcists drove the demon out by beating upon her body. She died in the process. (L.A. times, April 7, 1997)

Shakespeare

He is now popular with the refined and cultured but in his time his was theater for the masses.

Spiderman

A vest made of fabric woven from spun spider webs is bullet proof. (Paul Harvey, ABC radio)

MEMORIAL AT CHURCH

One Sunday morning, Father O'Mally noticed little Johnny staring up at a large plaque hanging in the foyer. It was filled with names, with small Canadian flags mounted on either side. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside little Johnny and said quietly, "Good morning Johnny."

"Good morning Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Father O'Mally, what is this?"

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service." They stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the 900 or the 1030 service?"