Moving to Vegas

Randy walked into his bedroom and saw his wife packing a suitcase. "What are you doing?" Marie answered, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!" Randy immediately began to pack a suitcase of his own. Marie asked him where he's going, he replied...

"I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"

Quote of the Week

Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level. - Max L. Forman

Fact of the Week

Sneezing can be brought on when the optic nerves in our eyes are exposed to bright light! Normally, though, the nasal membrane is irritated, sneezing is a reflex act, completely beyond our control. The nose trumpets out air in an attempt to eject the foriegn body. Sometimes, however, this is accomplished only through multiple sneezes. Don't you just hate when that happens!

All The Sneezy Facts

Primitive people held the belief that a sneeze signified approaching death, and immediately assisted the distressed person by crying out "God help you!"

Egyptians, Romans, and Greeks, saw the sneeze as an omen of approaching danger, or, on a more positive note, as a way of foretelling the future. Lucky ones sneezed to the right, while unlucky ones sneezed to the left. So, don't worry if you're sneexing in your neighbour's soup, just sneeze right!

Biblically, sneezing meant certain death, until Jacob made a deal with God. A prayer per sneeze cheated the grim reaper. Pope Gregory the Great, is responsible for insisting that prayers, such as "God bless you!," be said in response to the sneeze.

Fund Raising with An Ass

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse-racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.

To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline

PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The paper read

PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read

BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The paper headline the next day read

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.

The next day the paper read

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.