My Favourite Patient

Three surgeons were discussing which types of patients they preferred to operate on. Doctor Waters said, "I prefer librarians. All of their organs are alphabetized."

Doctor Franklin replied, "I prefer mathematicians because all of their organs are numbered."

Lastly, Doctor Zang responded, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."

Most Powerful Liquid

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, its called turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you

take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby boy."

The little boy replied, "Shoot, that ain't nothin'. You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt, and he'll pass a motorcycle."

(This isn't something we recommend you try at home with your own pets!)

Quote of the Week

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

Fact of the Week

Each of your feet has over 250,000 sweat glands in it, and produces over a pint of sweat a day, making good meals for bacteria to eat. Bacteria become attracted to the sweat on your feet and start feeding on it. Bacteria excretion has a strong odor that causes your feet to smell bad.

But My Feet Really Stink...

The amount of sweat that collects on your feet must be decreased and will lessen your bacteria load as well, making your to-to-tooties smell less. Always wear clean socks. It is even recommended you change sock throughout the day. Wash your feet with anti-bacterial soap. This won't lessen the sweat, but it will kill bacteria. Give a pair of shoes 24 hours to air out after every wearing. The sweat will evaporate. Avoid restrictive shoes like, boots. Well-ventilated shoes whisk away sweat. Wear socks made of absorbent materials, like cotton. The sock will soak up the sweat leaving the bacteria nothing to feed on. Apply antiperspirant to you feet.

Once Upon a Time

There once was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn. One day, she happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pains, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.

She ate...

and ate...

and then ..

she ate some more!!!

Finally, she decided she'd had plenty. She washed her face with front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground. She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. She had found a solution!! She realized if she could just become airborne that she would be able to fly again.

So, she painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle. Once at the top she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air. She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor....

The moral of this sad story?

"Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit."