A Fool in Love

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Marla Sanderson, a 38 year old Tulsa homemaker, admits that she's petrified by the thought of contracting Anthrax, saying, "It scares the devil out of me. The thought of dying from a disease like that has me terrified."

Mrs. Sanderson paused for a moment to down her Scotch, light a fresh filterless Camel and open a Little

Debbie Swiss Cake Roll, then continued, "I can't believe that a human being would even consider doing something like this to their fellow man, I mean, what kind of monster would do that?"

Since September 11, over 15,000 overweight chain-smoking alcoholics have died in the U.S.A. , although none of them were exposed to Anthrax.

On Da Ball

Tiger Woods, on the way to the Canadian open was driving through the Quebec country side when he noticed he was getting low on gas. He pulled into a St-Cibolac gas station, got out of his Volvo and waited for the attendant to show up. Jean-Guy walked across the lot and yelled, "Allo, what can hi do at you sir?"

"Fill it up please", replied Tiger.

Jean-Guy, looking the car over said, "Stie dats ha nice car dat."

"Thanks", said Tiger, "It's my new Volvo".

"De tank now full", Jean-Guy looked over to Tiger and saod, "'Dats twenty-two dollars please sir".

Tiger reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills and dropped a couple of golf tees on the ground.

Jean-Guy, unfamiliar with golf,looks at the tees, then at Tiger and said, "What da 'ell are doze?"

Tiger explained, "Those are tees. I use them to support my balls while I'm driving".

Jean-Guy looked up at Tiger, smiling he said, "Tabarnac, doze guys at Volvo, dey tink of everyting."

Quote of the Week

"If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, and the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body, then left-handed people must be the only ones in their right minds." - W.C. Fields

Fact of the Week

The word for "left" in French is gauche. In Latin it's sinister; in contrast, from the French word for "right," droit, we get the English word adroit, and Latin for right is dexter from which we get such words as dexterous. Ambidextrous means literally "both right." Hmmmm. Does that make me Sinister, or always right! My husband would have a few words to say about that!

Famous Left Handed People

The Grapes Adventure

A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.

The bartender says "What can I get you?"

Duck Umm. Do you have any grapes?

Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd)

No, I'm afraid we don't.

And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar.

The next day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, hops up on a bar stool.

Bartender Hi. What can I get for you?

Duck Umm. Do you have any grapes?

Bartender (a little annoyed) Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.

The next day, at the same time, the bartender is cleaning some glasses when he hears a familiar voice

Duck Umm.. Do you have any grapes?

The bartender is really ticked off.

Bartender Look. What's your problem? You came in here yesterday asking for grapes, I TOLD you, WE DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! Next time I see your little ducktail waddle in here I'm going to nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. GOT me pal?

And the duck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.

The NEXT day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, walks up to the bartender and the bartender says, "What the heck do YOU want?"

Umm. do you have any nails?

What!? OF course not.

Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?