The Seal of Approval

When the Marika came from the grocery store, her small son pulled out a box of animal crackers, which he had begged for. He spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

In the Family Way

Bert and Shirley drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. They just finished arguing about Bert's map reading skills, and were a bit lost. As they passed a barnyard of donkeys and pigs, Bert sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," replied Shirley. "I married into the family."

The Witness

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said.

"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," the boy informed him.

"I detest life-insurance agents. They always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so." - Stephen Leacock (1869 - 1944) Canadian economist and humorist.

Fact of the Week

Those dreading the casualty claims emanating from the Sept. 11 attacks will be even more disturbed knowing the current status of claims emanating from the 1993 World Trade Center truck-bomb attack. As of Sept. 11, according to an October National Law Journal report, pre-trial discovery was still taking place on hundreds of 1993 claims pending before a New York state judge, including at least one on behalf of Cantor Fitzgerald, the firm most devastated on Sept. 11. Ouch!!

Insurance Facts

There were 127 life and health insurance companies operating in Canada at the end of 1999.

22 million Canadians and their dependants are protected by one or more of the life and health industry's products and services.

At the end of 1999, Canada's life and health insurers held $258.5 billion in assets on behalf of Canadian life and health insurance policyholders. Most of the total was invested in Canada's economy, primarily in government bonds ($55.5

billion), corporate bonds ($45 billion), corporate stocks ($39.2 billion), mutual funds ($27.3 billion), commercial mortgage loans ($23.2 billion), and residential mortgage loans ($18.3 billion).

In 1999, Canadian life and health insurers generated $36.4 billion from foreign clients for life insurance, health insurance and annuities. Over 12 million people in more than 20 countries outside Canada own life insurance policies with Canadian companies.

56,600 people work full time for life and health insurance companies in Canada.

In 1999, Canadians paid a total of $39.4 billion in premiums on existing and new policies.

By year-end 1999, Canadians owned $1,939.9 billion in life insurance.

During 1999, Canadians received $34.9 billion in payments from life and health insurance companies.

During 1999, Canadians purchased about 833,400 individual life insurance policies.

Frozen Dinner

George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, "On no! I froze my aunt's bird to death."

He opened the door and saw the bird alive!

The bird said, "I'm sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.

George said, "Why the change?"

The bird answered, "Because I saw what you did to the other bird. "

Walk a Mile in His Moccasins

One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer. They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer. The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go."

The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we'll get sprayed every time we open one." So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn't returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him. They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.