Very Punny!

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What did they do that for?"

The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of... an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Going Awol

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!

The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returns. When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

Quote of the Week

"If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names." ?

Elbert Hubbard, US Writer

Another Quote of the Week. Why? Because we can…

"This is the box that I came out of,

This is the box I'll go back in,

This is the box they won't let me out of,

This is the box they won't let me in."

Tom Weaver (1950-2000)

News Flash of the Week!

There were two ships crossing the pacific. One carrying blue paint from Singapore to Los Angeles, and the other carrying red dyes from America to Taiwan. Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, the two ships met abruptly. The ships were lost to the sea and the crews of both are believed to be marooned.

Three Stooges Trivia

• Larry Fine, (Fineberg), was not related to the Horwitz brothers -Shemp, Moe, and Curly.
   
• 'An accomplished ballroom dancer, having a beautiful singing voice, and wavy chest-nut brown hair, and a waxed mustache'? Moe had his 'Spittoon' haircut, Larry's hair was frizzy and wild, and so to fit in, Curly shaved off his hair and mustache..
   
• Which Stooge inspired Moe's famous 'two-fingered eye gouge' stunt? Moe said Shemp got mad at Larry while all three were playng cards, jumped up, and poked Larry in the eyes! Moe laughed so hard he fell through a glass door cutting his arm!
   
• Curly’s actual first name was Jerome. He was also called 'Babe'.
   
• Shemp went to the prize fights on November 23rd, 1955. After the fights, he got into a friend's car, and was telling a joke, when he closed his eyes, and died with a smile on his face.
   
• Curly passed away in January 1952, at age 49. Larry died early in 1975. Moe's death brought down the curtain on the last of the four Stooges.
   
• Which movie did Moe make a solo appearance in? Doctor Death, Seeker Of Souls. It was made in 1973.

Sparky Goes On Up…

In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog Sparky being around the bar. They were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could remember Sparky. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to remind everyone of the little dog's wagging tail.

Sparky went up to heaven and was about to run through the pearly gates when he was stopped by Saint Peter, who questioned the little dog as to where he was going. Sparky said, "I have been a good dog - so I am going into heaven where I belong!".

Saint Peter replied, "Heaven is a place of perfection, you can not come into heaven without a tail, where is your tail?" The little dog explained what had happened back on earth. St Peter told Sparky to go back down to earth and retrieve his tail. The dog protested that it was now the middle of the night on earth, but St Peter would not change his mind. So Sparky went back down to earth and scratched on the door of the pub until the bartender who lived upstairs came down and opened the door.

"My goodness, it is the spirit of my Sparky. You love me so much you’ve returned to me!", said the bartender with excitement. Sparky explained that he wasn't allowed into heaven without his tail, and he needed it back. The bartender replied, "I would really like to help you, but my liquor license doesn't allow me to retail spirits after hours!"