Just for the Memory Banks…

I entered a local Pun Contest. I sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Keeping Score

It had to happen, someday. The municipal philharmonic symphony and chorus were rehearsing Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Von Beethoven. Since the chorus doesn't enter until the final movement, the singers were becoming very bored - especially the men in the back row. Then the basses had a clever idea. During break, they tied a nylon fishing line around the conductor's score, 4 pages prior to the beginning of the last movement. They ran the line up through a roof vent, across the street and down into Joe's tavern. This allowed them to relax at the bar chugging brews, and when the line jerked, they could run across the street and take their places in the chorus at the precise time.

Their plan worked flawlessly, especially when the conductor paused before continuing, to have the trombones, who were playing somewhat flat, tune their instruments. So all singers were in readiness as the conductor raised his baton.

Well.....almost all... except for two men who had earlier passed out at the bar.

And so this became the first case in musical history where it was the bottom of the ninth, the basses were loaded, the score was tied, there were two out, the leadoff man was up and the inside pitch was low.

Quote of the Week

"If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now." ? Salman Rushdie, Indian-English writer

Fact of the Week ? field of Beams

A football field-sized, $173.5-million Canadian Light Source synchrotron project is a unique national facility that will light the way to a new era of science and innovation for both academe and industry. Synchrotron light is a high-intensity source of infra-red, ultraviolet and X-ray energy that can be used to help design new drugs, develop more environmentally friendly engine lubricants, build more powerful computer chips, develop new materials for safer medical implants, and clean up mining wastes, to name just a few applications.

Canada's sole source of synchrotron light, the facility will be used to probe the structure of matter and analyze a host of physical, chemical, geological and biological processes. Want more info?

http://www.cls.usask.ca/media/facts.shtml

Let’s get building!

100 - The number of square miles in the U.S. Southwest that, if covered with efficient solar panels, would be necessary to generate all of the electrical power needed by the United States.

27 - The number of years of worldwide electrical supply that could be provided by the solar energy that hits the earth in one day.

1978 - The year the U/S. government banned lead from residential paint. France banned it early in the century!

62 - The percent of pre-1978 homes that still contain lead paint.

80+ - the expected life span, in years, of an exterior wooden door if protected by an overhang.

50 - The expected lifespan of a toilet, in years.

$6,500 - Amount the average owners of a new home spend in the first year of ownership to furnish, decorate and improve it.

$.16 - What it costs to cook a casserole in a 350º electric oven for one hour, assuming an 8¢/kWh rate.

$.03 - What it costs to cook the same casserole in a microwave oven on high for 15 minutes.

From Smart Home Owner, January/February 2002 Issue

Outskunked

There once was a family of four skunks. A Mother skunk, a Father skunk and two identical twin baby skunks named Inskunk and Outskunk. Their parents named them as such because the only way they could tell one from the other was to keep Inskunk inside all the time and Outskunk outside continually except at meal time. When being fed, Inskunk would be inside to eat and when done Inskunk would go out and Outskunk would come in to eat. After eating Outskunk would go back outside and Inskunk would come back in. They followed this ritual daily to avoid confusion.

One day Mother skunk had to go in to town and left Father skunk to look after Inskunk and Outskunk. As she was leaving she reminded Father skunk not to mix up the two as the last time it took a week to sort out which was which. Father skunk just replied, "Don't worry dear. I can tell them apart."

So off she went. When lunch time arrived Father skunk let Outskunk in to eat without letting Inskunk outside. Mother skunk just happened to come home at that time and was shocked! "I can't believe you mixed them up again!", she screamed.

Father skunk replied, "They're not mixed up, This is Inskunk and over there is Outskunk!."

Mother Skunk inquired, "How can you be so sure that that is Inskunk and that one is Outskunk?"

"Simple!", said Father Skunk, "Instincts!"