Long Walk

A man, his wife and their eight children were waiting at a bus stop. Not long after, a blind man joined the group. The bus finally arrived, but the blind man and the husband are forced to walk because there was just no more room on the bus. As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane started to irritate the family man. Finally he said, "You know, that's pretty irritating. Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?"

The blind man retorted, "If you'd put a rubber on the end of your stick, we'd both be on that bus."

Obsession

A man went to a psychiatrist, and told him, "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex."

The doctor agreed to examine him and began by showing him various drawings. First the doctor drew a square and asked the man to identify it.

The man immediately said, "Omigosh! Four people having sex!"

Next, the doctor drew a circle, at which the man gasped, and said, "One man having sex."

Next, the doctor drew a triangle, which, of course, the patient identified as, "Two woman and one man having sex."

The doctor put the drawings away and said to the patient, "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."

"Me? You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

Looking for donations…

A man was driving down the road and there was a road block. Police officers were walking and telling people what was going on. The police man finally got to the man and said, "O.J. Simpson just heard the verdict and is threatening to cover himself in gasoline and burn himself to death. He said he wont have any money left and we're going around collecting donations."

The man said "How much do you have so far?"

The police man said, "10 gallons."

Quote of the Week

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself."

? Ethel Barrymore (08/15/1879 ? 06/18/1959) US actor

Weather or not!

24 January 1881, Pictou, Nova Scotia Freezing rain over three days coats trees, fences, telegraph wires and buildings. Lumberjacks stick close to camp for fear of falling trees and branches.

1 January 1885, Regina, Saskatchewan Regina residents ring in the New Year with a record cold temperature of -50° C (-58° F).

19 January 1935, Vancouver, British Columbia One of the city's worst winter storms dumps 40 cm ( inches)16 inches of snow. Strong winds blow the snow into 2 m (6.6 ft) drifts. The snow is followed over the next four days with 267 mm (10.5 inches) of rain and freezing rain.

31 January 1947, Smith Falls, British Columbia Temperature falls to a frigid -58.9 ° C (-74° F), reading is all-time Provincial low.

30 January 1954, Liverpool, Nova Scotia Heavy hail, lightning and a rare tornado strike the White Point Beach area of Liverpool. Debris is strewn over a distance of one kilometre (0.625 miles).

1-5 January 1965, Cartwright, Newfoundland New Year begins with five day snowstorm that dumps a total of 182 cm (71.7 inches) of snow on the town.

24 January - February 1966, Winnipeg, Manitoba Temperature falls below -18° C.(0° F) on the 24th and remain below this temperature for 26 consecutive days.

6 January 1966, Pincher Creek, Alberta A chinook wind sends the temperature soaring 21 C° (37.8 F°) in four minutes.

13 January 1975, Pelly Bay, Northwest Territories Temperature of -51° C (-60° F) and wind speed of 56 km/hr (35 mph) produce a windchill temperature of -92°C.(-133.6° F).

28 January 1989, Pelly Bay, Northwest Territories Temperature falls to -51° C.(-60° F). With a strong wind blowing, the wind chill equivalent temperature (old scale) reached -91°C (-132° F).

5-10 January 1998, Montreal, Quebec and surrounding area Ice storm devistates Montreal and surrounding region. During the period, freezing rain or drizzle reported for more than 80 hours deposits up to 60 to 80 mm (2.4 to 3.1 inches) of ice, leaving 4 million people in the dark. An estimated 130 major transmission towers and 30,000 wooden utility poles brought down by weight of the ice.

2-12 January 1999, Toronto, Ontario Heavy snows begin to fall just into New Year. Two weeks later a total of 113 cm (44.5 inches) of snow bury the City. Mayor calls in the military to help in snow removal. Snow-clearing costs $70 million.

When it Rains it Pours

Richard and Beth were making love when she cried out, "Oh my God! I hear my husband coming! You have to get out of here fast!"

Richard quickly jumped out the window without thinking first, andfell into some bushes. As luck would have it, it started to rain. He sat there, stark naked and wondering what he was go'n to do when a bunch of joggers happened to jog by. Richard quickly jumped up and joined the joggers.

As he was running along with the rest of the joggers, one asked , "Sir, do you always jog in the nude?"

"Why yes, I do," he replied sheepishly.

"I see," replied the jogger. "Do you always wear a condom?"

"No," replied Richard. "Only when it rains!"

Uncle Ted scares the kids

A blonde guy got home early from work and heard strange noises coming from his bedroom. He rushed upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I'm having a heart attack," cried his wife.

He rushed downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son came up and said, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"

The blonde guy slammed the phone down and stormed upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and ripped open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

"You bastard," yelled the blonde man, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"