Getting There

We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when others believed it was flat and that if you traveled far enough you would go over the edge. We also know that Columbus reached what we now know as America. While there are still a few who believe Columbus returned to Spain and told Queen Isabella that he discovered a new world, most believe he had told her he had reached India. Recently documents written by Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage.

His first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."

Forget me not

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse." But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" the woman asked.

"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hang'n out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and exclaimed, "Oh my goodness! I left the baby on the bus!"

Quote of the Week

"For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norms, even our cultural ideal." ? Carl Bernstein (02/14/1944 ? ); US journalist

Destination Canada!

There are six time zones ranging from Newfoundland Standard Time in the East (GMT/UTC -3.5 hours) to Pacific Standard Time in the West (GMT/UTC -8 hours). During Daylight Saving Time (Apr-Oct), the range is -2.5 to -7)

Weights & measures Metric

Tourism 50 million visitors (approx) per year, 90% of whom are US citizens

The province of New Brunswick is the only officially bilingual area in the country.

The majority of the population of Quebec are of French descent.

The local tongue in Quebec is known as Quebecois.

There are also 500 species of birds.

Canada is comprised of eight vegetation zones, most of which are dominated by forest.

Canada is the world's second largest country, Russia being the first!

Canada extends some 7700km (4775mi) east to west and 4600km (2850mi) north to south.

Nearly 90% of Canadians huddle along the 6379km (3955mi) southern border with the USA. It’s just too damn cold any further north!

The Canadian Shield, an ancient, rocky and glacially-sanded region, formed more than 2.5 billion years ago, covers most of the north of the country.

The Arctic region, in the far north, is where you'll find frozen tundra merging into islands that are ice-bound for most of the year.

Canadian Food!

Quebec ? French pea soup, tourtières (meat pies) and poutine (French fries covered with gravy and cheese curds).

Atlantic provinces ? the Acadian French make rapie pie (paté à la rapure) - a type of meat pie (meat, chicken or clam) topped with grated paste-like potato from which all of the starch has been removed.

Canada is the world's largest producer of maple syrup, produced from the boiled sap of sugar-maple trees. Canada produces some very good cheeses, cheddars in particular.

On both coasts, seafood is plentiful, delicious and affordable.

Dog Speak

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right, and what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties.

" The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

Trouble at home

Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. She would then proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner and, at about midnight he arrived home in his usual condition.

His wife heard him at the door, quickly opened the door, and let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, "It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?"

Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble when I get home anyway!"