Hmmmm…

3 little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy said, "My Daddy smokes and he can blow smoke rings."

The second little boy piped up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes."

The 3rd little boy, not to be outdone responded, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt."

"Really,

have you seen it?" replied the boys.

The third boy responded, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."

Strained

A little girl's mom was bedridden with the flu. In her desire to help her mommy feel better, she made some tea and brought it to her. "Oh, thank you," mom replied. "How thoughtful of you. I didn't know you could make tea. How did you do it?" asked mom, sipping away.

"I remembered watching you," she replied. "I put the tea in the hot water to steep. But, I couldn't find the strainer you use to pour it through, so I used the fly swatter. But, don't worry, I didn't use the new one. I used the old one."

Dragging your feet

Two men were approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both were dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looked at the other knowingly, pointed at his foot and said, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooked his thumb behind him and said, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

Quote of the Week

"Love is a fruit in season, At all times and within reach of every hand!

Spread love everywhere you go

First of all in your own house, Give love to your children, To your husband or wife, To a next door neighbor

Let no one ever come to you Without leaving happier

Be the living expression of God's Kindness, kindness in your face, Kindness in your eyes, Kindness in your smile, Kindness in your warm greeting!" ? Mother Teresa

Valentine’s Day Facts

St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, is a mix of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. February 14th was originally the Roman feast of Lupercalia but was Christianized in memory of the martyr St. Valentine who died in 270 A.D. In the Middle Ages, Valentine became associated with the union of lovers under conditions of duress.

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus. All were martyred. In one legend Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young, single men. Valentine realized the injustice and defied Claudius. He continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured. While Valentine was in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl that visited him during his confinement. It is thought that she may have been his jailor's daughter. Before his death he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still used today. By the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, can be viewed today at the British Museum in London, England.

In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year.

The taste test

A man walked into a bar and ordered a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, poured him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that had been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man took a sip and spit the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year -old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, poured him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year -old scotch. The man took one sip and spit it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender finally relented and served the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sipped the drink and said, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who had witnessed the entire episode, walked down to the finicky scotch drinker and set a glass down in front of him and asked, "What do you think of this?"

The scotch expert took a sip, and in disgust, spit out the liquid yelling "This tastes like urine!"

The old drunk replied, "That's right, now guess how old I am."

Too smart for his age

The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. "There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence", she said, "and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How many are still on the fence?.

Johnny thought for a second and said "none".

The Teacher asked him how he figured that.

"Well", he said, "when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away".

The teacher said "That's not really the answer I was looking for but I like your thinking".

Then Johnny asked "Now can I ask you one?".

The teacher agrees.

Little Johnny asked, "There are 3 women with an ice cream cone in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it. Which one is married?"

The teacher replied, "Why, the one that's licking it"

"Wrong. It's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking..."