Q. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time!
Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky? A. During Ape-ril showers!
Q. What flowers grow on faces? A. Tulips (Two-lips)!
Q. Why is the letter A like a flower?
A. A bee (B) comes after it!
[ Abbott and Costello, Who's on First - 625 kb
]
Waiting Room
A woman walked into a drugstore and asked the pharmacist if he
sold extra large condoms. He replied, "Yes we do. Would you like
to buy some?" She responded, "No, but do you mind if I wait around
here until someone does?"
Things that make you go Hmmm…
Why does a dog lick its penis? Because it can't make a fist.
How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard.
Here's to absent friends and here's twice to absent
enemies.
Fact of the Week
The vernal equinox, also known as the first day of
spring here in Canada, is on on March 20th. The vernal
equinox is the one of the two days of the year when day
and night both last 12 hours. It is the first day of
spring north of the equator, and the first day of autumn
in the southern half of the world.
The Seasons, they are a changin'
Seasons are determined by where the Earth is in its
orbit, and how it faces the sun. The Earth has an almost
perfectly circular orbit around the sun, but it rotates on
a tilt. This means that parts of the Earth face the sun in
different ways at different times of the year. The vernal
equinox is also one of the two days of the year when the
sun is directly above the earth's equator. At these times,
the days and nights are of nearly equal length everywhere
on the earth. The term equinox comes from a Latin word
meaning "equal night". It is called the first day of
spring in the Northern Hemisphere, where we are just
coming out of winter, but it is the first day of fall in
the Southern Hemisphere, where winter is approaching at
this time of year.
Sundials
You could put a stick in the ground and make marks in
the dirt where the stick's shadow was every hour. Then you
could tell what time it was by looking at the shadow.
Shadow sticks were the earliest tools used by humans to
tell time. The technical name for a shadow stick is a
gnomon.
The ancient Egyptians built tall stone towers called
obelisks. Everyone could tell the time by looking at
the obelisk's shadow. Later the Greeks and Romans invented
sundials. Sundials are smaller and can be more accurate.
Some sundials were small enough to carry with you, almost
like a watch.
Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot
was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse
vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive; those
that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by
constantly saying polite words, playing soft music...
anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled
at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the
bird, and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally,
in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in
the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird
swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then,
suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually
hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended
arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my
language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness.
I will endeavor to correct my behavior". Jimmy was
astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and
was about to ask what had changed him, when the
parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"
Webster's College Dictionary
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a
sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and
shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go,
the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You
just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your
sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a
PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his
dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin,
characterized by distinct black and white coloring.
Eats shoots and leaves."
Crackers is launching the first stage of its’
"Crackers Saves the World Campaign" with a few new
weekly links that will allow you a new insight
into the world we all live in. Our aim is to
direct our ever so intelligent, hard working and
caring readers and visitors towards a little
enlightenment, and maybe some action too! Don’t
worry, we still plan on having lots of fun on our
new journey!
Crackers Changes the
World Campaign
http://www.indymedia.org/
Indymedia is a collective of independent media
organizations and hundreds of journalists
offering grassroots, non-corporate coverage.
Indymedia is a democratic media outlet for the
creation of radical, accurate, and passionate
tellings of truth.
