Remodeling

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for "small," 6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

More on Remodeling

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "is this your husband?" he

inquired nervously.

"No silly", she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all" she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."

Bull!

A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there's a sign that says

"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hits her husband and says

"That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walk further and a third pen has a bull with a sign saying, "This Bull mated 365 times last year." The wife gets really excited and says "That's once a day!" You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looks at her and says "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

"People get real comfortable with their features. Nobody gets comfortable with their hair. Hair trauma. It's the universal thing." ?

Jamie Lee Curtis, U.S. actress

• There are many contributors to hair loss, such as scalp bacteria, stress, sebaceous build-up, poor nutrition, slow cellular activity, genetic baldness, hormonal imbalance and nervous disorders -- all of which can affect both men and women.
• Hair is the fastest growing tissue in the body, second only to bone marrow.
• 35 meters of hair fibre is produced every day on the average adult scalp.
• The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. Redheads have the least at 80,000; brown and black haired persons have about 100,000; and blondes have the most at 120,000.
• 90% of scalp hairs are growing and 10% are resting.
• It is normal to lose 100 hairs per day from the scalp.
• You must lose over 50% of your scalp hairs before it is apparent to anyone.
• Many drugs can cause hair loss.
• Thyroid imbalance and iron deficiency are reversible causes for hair loss.
• Over 50% of men by age 50 have male pattern hair loss.
• Forty percent of women by the time they reach menopause will have female pattern (hereditary) hair loss.
• All humans are born with a finite number of hair follicles.
• The diameters of the individual hairs in our follicles increase as we grow from infancy to adulthood.

Some of the Sexiest Men are Bald! Celebrate National Hair Loss Week with Pride...

Androgenetic alopecia is a process that changes the follicles that produce terminal hairs. Follicles first produce thinner, shorter hairs with weaker shafts. Eventually, these follicles produce only fine, almost invisible, vellus hairs, and they may die out altogether. Androgenetic alopecia requires three conditions for its occurrence the genes for hair loss, male hormones in adequate quantities, and time.

Men! Avoid the comb over and embrace the beauty of your big fleshy head!

Some of the sexiest men on the planet happen to be bald.

Click here for some moral support. http://www.baldrus.com/

Taken Under Counsel

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across he room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

Advice

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So, he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an expensive tie."

Confused, the man went to his Minister, told him of the conflicting advice, and asked him what he should do. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Minister. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel night-gown that goes right up to your neck and wool socks.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice "Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested "But Reverend, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"It doesn't matter what you wear; you're going to get screwed."