Ever wonder why they began using the Alphabet to define bra sizes?

A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can Do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

Agony

A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"

The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off of his legs."

A Lady who Needs Help!

The other day I was in the Auto Zone part store. A lady came in and asked for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What does it do?

She said, "I don't know, but its always been there!"

The Counter Clerk gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture. She made a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the center she wrote 710.

"I drink a lot of Diet Coke and belch. I've been known to use the "f" word."

- Helena Bonham Carter

"If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is."

- Horace G. Hutchinson

How have certain taboo words come to play such large roles in our every day language? Damn good question. Every language has them. Cursing is used to express emotions ranging from joy to anger.

People have been uttering choice words for centuries. Get cut off on the highway lately, or hit their thumb with a hammer? Try give birth without a few expletives flowing out your mouth!

Cursing

Cursing used to be serious business. When literacy was a rare and highly valued ability, writing was held to contain innate power. By writing down what one wished to accomplish, a person expected some sort of result to come of it. People throughout the Greco-Roman world relied on written hexes and spells to help them get what they wanted. This kind of cursing was once surprisingly widespread. Magicians and scribes wrote curses that appealed to gods and spirits of the underworld to fix horse races, rig legal proceedings, sabotage wrestlers, and handicap business competitors. Cursing was also employed to ensnare the objects of their desire. This practice has not entirely disappeared a voodoo priestess recently put a hex on drug dealers in a high-crime neighborhood of New Orleans, and she claimed that crime subsequently dropped as a result.

Swearing

Around the beginning of the twelfth century A.D., Henry I of England imposed fines on those members of his court caught swearing. These ranged from 40 shillings for a duke to a scouring for a page. About 500 years later, William III proclaimed "...if any person shall profanely swear, if he is a laborer, servant or common soldier, he shall forfeit one shilling to the poor for the first offense, two shillings for the second, et cetera, but double for any person not a servant". This class distinction was not evident in a law repealed in Maryland in 1953, although the deflationary trend is maintained. This law provided for a fine of 25 cents for the first swear word used and 50 cents per word thereafter. We note that if this trend of declining value continues, oaths will soon be worthless and need not be used at all. But as already stated by Hoyle, without oaths, some will simply not speak. The problem is simply that the value attached to such vulgar language has been reduced to nearly nothing.

Mistaken Identity

Lulu was a hooker, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the hookers.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry." The policeman fainted