Who Says Bible Thumpers Haven't Got a Sense of Humour

Part II

10. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
     
11. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
     
12. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
     
13. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
     
14. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
     
15. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire Insurance soon."
     
16. " A ch__ch is a church when (U R) in it.
     
17. "In the dark? Follow the Son."
     
18. "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."

Losing His Load

A trucker stops for red light and a blonde girl catches up. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window. The girl says "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

The trucker stops for another red light and the girl again catches up. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window and she says "Hi my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load!" He ignores her again and continues down the street.

The trucker stops for still another red light and the girl catches up again all out of breath. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of you load!" He dismisses her and starts off down the street, then stops.

The trucker gets out of the truck, approaches the blonde girl and says "Hi, my name is Kevin and I am driving a SALT TRUCK!"

Quote of the Week

"There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew."

- Marshall McLuhan

Fact of the Week

Space Facts!

• Mars has two tiny moons, Phobos and Deimos. The potato-shaped satellites are each less than 20 miles long and are pocked with craters.
   
• During a day on Mercury, the planet's distance from the Sun varies between 35 million and 43 million miles. Viewed from Mercury the Sun would increase and then decrease in size, but the change would be difficult to observe, as a day on the planet lasts 156 Earth days.
   
• Clouds of poisonous sulfuric acid floating in Venus' carbon dioxide atmosphere reflect light so well that the planet is one of our night sky's most brilliant objects.
   
• Clouds of poisonous sulfuric acid floating in Venus' carbon dioxide atmosphere reflect light so well that the planet is one of our night sky's most brilliant objects.
   
• The first U.S. spacecraft, Explorer I, was launched January 31, 1958 by a modified army Jupiter C rocket. It collected data leading to the discovery of the Van Allen radiation belts, and demonstrated that micrometorites would not necessarily thwart space travel.
   
• So you've got dust bunnies? They could be coming from space. More than 3,000 tons of dusty material from space falls to Earth every day.
   
• It takes 8 1/4 minutes for light to reach Earth from the Sun.
   
• In 160 A.D., a Greek named Lucian of Samosata wrote one of the first recorded tales of a lunar voyage. In the story, the hero's sailing ship is caught by a terrible whirlwind and sent on an eight-day journey to the Moon.
   
• The first liquid-propellant rocket was launched March 16, 1926 by space-travel visionary Robert Goddard. Fueled by a mixture of liquid oxygen and gasoline, Goddard's rocket fired 41 feet into the air above his Aunt Effie's cabbage plot in Auburn, Mass.
   
• The largest of the planets, Jupiter, has two and a half times more mass than all the other planets together.

Find more at Space.com! http://www.space.com/news/facts_9907.html

Walking the Dog

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, that should take care of that problem You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Experiencing Mechanical Difficulties

A receptionist complained that her printer wasn't working. She discovered a pen stuck inside the printer. She started to jam her fingers down into the printer to get the pen, but was told to put a note on the printer telling office personel not to use it . The problem was then report ed to the Help Desk.

She grabbed a piece of paper and startsed scrawling on it.

About 20 minutes later, one of the techs came in and said he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. This is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way they were meant to.

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