Why it's important to be bi-lingual

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped out in the dark and shouted, "Bow-wow!"

The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

Tea

Patient Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Doctor Try taking the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

And the Winner is…

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

A little slow…

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

Talking

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then hung up.

"Wow!," her Dad said in amazement, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Pass or Fail?

Teacher Why are you late?

Student There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student No. I was standing on it.

"Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does Nature, because in her inventions, nothing is lacking and nothing is superfluous."

- Leonardo DaVinci

Facts of the Week - Oh Canada!

Cool Things Canadians Have Invented
Canadians are the inventors of some life changing products and very cool stuff. Listed below is a small portion of the many things Canadians have invented.

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

A Beautiful Mind

Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.

The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know... she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely is THAT to happen?"

In Flight Dinner

Cruelty to Animals

A man is conversing with his neighborhood butcher, when a small dog trots in, holding some money in his mouth.

The butcher says, "What'll it be today? Beef?"

The little dog shakes his head.

"How bout chicken?" The dog shakes his head 'no' again.

The butcher says, "Chops?" The dog wags his tail wildly.

"Pork chops?" Dog shakes his head.

"Lamb chops?" The tails wags frantically again.

"Okay, lamb chops..." The butcher cuts the meat, takes the money from the dog's mouth, and puts the wrapped chops in the dog's mouth, and the little dog trots off.

"That was amazing!" says the man.

"Oh, he comes in here every other day or so," says the butcher.

The man says, "I have to follow that dog and see where he lives!" He runs out, spots the dog trotting up the block. He follows him til the dog runs up a flight of steps to a house, gets on the porch, raises up on his hind legs, and rings the doorbell with his nose. A man comes to the door, takes the meat from the dog, then YELLS at him and locks him away in his crate. The man watching is outraged. He storms up to the house, and rings the doorbell. When the dog owner appears, the man says, "You know, mister- that's absolutely the smartest dog I've ever seen. He goes to the butcher shop for you, ORDERS the meat, PAYS for it, BRINGS it home, RINGS the damn doorbell, and you TREAT HIM THAT WAY?"

"Yeah," says the man, "That's the 3rd time this week he forgot his key!"