Q What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?

A Winnie the Pooh!

Broken Off

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.

"Can I touch it?"

"No way -- you already broke yours off!"

Kids can be Too Smart

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken."

Little Johnny

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

When little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Smarter than you Think!

A boy was in school and the teacher asks him, ''Bobby, what is round and red?'' Bobby says, ''A banana!'' The teacher says, ''No, Bobby, it's an apple, but at least I know that you were thinking.''

The teacher asks him again what is long and yellow and Bobby says, ''An apple!'' The teacher says, ''No Bobby, but at least you you were thinking.''

Bobby then looked down in his desk and asked the teacher, ''What is 4 inches long, yellow and has red on the tip?''

The teacher says, ''BOBBY!! Is that what I think it is?" She begins to whisper, "Your penis?''

Bobby says, ''No, it's a match, but at least I know you were thinking!!''

"An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather."

- Washington Irving

Mental health means striking a balance in all aspects of your life social, physical, spiritual, economic and mental. According to the 1999 National Report of the U.S. Surgeon General, "Mental health is a state of successful performance of mental function, resulting in productive activities, fulfilling relationships with other people, and the ability to adapt to change and to cope with adversity. Mental health is indispensable to personal well-being, family and interpersonal relationships, and contribution to community or society."

• Biological, psychological and social problems contribute to mental illness.
• Mental illnesses are medical illnesses that cannot be controlled merely by changing one's way of thinking.
• One in five person will experience depression in their lifetime.
• More than 11 million Americans suffer from depression each year.
• One in 50 children suffers from depression.
• More than seven million of America's children and adolescents suffer from diagnosable mental disorders.
• Current statistics indicate that only 20 percent of the children in need are receiving the services they need.
• Ludwig Von Beethoven, Winston Churchill, and Vincent Van Gogh all suffered from a bipolar disorder.
• In any one year, two million Americans suffer from schizophrenia.
• Medications relieve serious symptoms in more than 80 percent of those with schizophrenia.
• Slightly more than 60 percent of Americans with schizophrenia receive treatment.
• With appropriate treatment, 80 to 90 percent of those suffering from depression can be helped to feel better in weeks.

• One in five Canadians will experience a mental disorder at some time in their lives.
• The annual economic burden of mental illness to the Canadian economy has been estimated by Health Canada at over $13 billion per year.
• Nearly four thousand Canadians die by suicide each year
• Mental Health care accounts for as much as 16% of health care costs and directly affects 20% of the population
• Health Canada's program spending on mental illness and mental health promotion combined is less than $500,000 per year.
• Only about 4% of all public research dollars goes to mental illness and mental health research.
• In the past, parents were routinely blamed if their child developed a mental illness.
• More recently, there has been increasing medical evidence that many of the major mental illnesses involve biochemical imbalances in the body.

Want to learn more?

http://www.cmha.ca

Don't forget to sign the petition!

Caught!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Shopping for a Bra

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, there is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied. "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled, he asked about the difference between them.

The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen. The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

Who's the Boss?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story You don't need brains to be a boss - any asshole will do.