Q What do you do when a Doberman pinscher starts humping your leg?

A Let him finish.

Terribly Punny, continued…

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. 1Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia the LAN down under.

Things you say to your lawyer when you get your bill…

Just Joking

Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Proper Attire

I used to wonder why so many lawyers wore turtleneck shirts.

Turns out I had it all wrong.

Lawyers don't wear turtlenecks -- they're just uncircumcised!

New Restaurant in Town

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It’s called Sosumi.

Three Men and a Drunk?

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three never existed.

First Time for Everything…

A New York lawyer sent gifts to many of his clients. The gifts were sleeves of golf balls, suitably inscribed with the donor lawyer's name.

One of the recipients sent an e-mail of thanks back to the lawyer saying, ...

"That's the first time I've ever had a lawyer buy the balls."

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."

- Dwight Eisenhower

Full country name United Mexican States

Area 1,972,201 sq km

Population 93.7 million

People 60% mestizo (mixed European and Indian descent) and 30% indígena (Native Americans or Indians - including Nahua, Maya, Zapotecs, Mixtecs, Totonacs, and Tarascos or Purépecha)

Language Spanish and over 50 indigenous languages

Religion 90% Roman Catholic

Government Democracy

President Ernesto Zedillo

Time Central Time (GMT/UTC minus 6 hours)

Capital Mexico City

Mexico City

Mexico City is the largest city in the world. It was built on the site of the ancient city of Tenochtitlán. Tenochtitlán was built in 1325 by the Aztecs. It was destroyed by the Spanish when they conquered Mexico. Hernando Cortez first entered the Valley of Mexico in 1519. With fewer than 200 soldiers and a few horses, he conquered the Aztecs. In 1521 the Spanish destroyed the city of Tenochtitlán.

Largest City Mexico City

Population of Mexico City 20 million

Volcanoes

In the Central Highlands region of Mexico there are many volcanoes. Two volcanoes can be seen from Mexico City. These are Popocatépetl and Ixtacíhuatl. Both of these are quiet, although Popocatépetl sends up steam and smoke occasionally.

A National Dance

Mexico has a national dance. It is the Mexican Hat Dance. The men usually dress as charros (rodeo riders) when performing the dance. The women wear brightly colored full skirts. The couple moves around a wide-brimmed Mexican hat called a sombrero in the dance.

Names

Mexican children are given both their father's last name and their mother's maiden name. This tradition helps preserve the heritage of both parents. Fathers would often weave a God's eye when their children were born. At each birthday for five years the father would weave another God's eye.

Learn more about Mexico!

http://peyote.com/jonstef/huichol.htm

http://www.adh.brighton.ac.uk/schoolofdesign/MA.COURSE/LFundMaya.html

http://www.mindspring.com/~coatl/pages/append.htm

Taking the Edge Off

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast, bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At dinnertime, she asks again if he wants anything to eat. She'll go out and get him some fast food, or whip up a big dinner of turkey and mashed potatoes. Once again he declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well, then," she says, "Would you mind getting off of me? I'm starving to death!"

The Game

One day a blonde was sitting beside a lawyer on an airplane and the lawyer sees the blond is going to fall asleep so the lawyer asks her if she wanted to play a game. So the blond asks what kind of game.

The lawyer says we ask each other questions and every one I get wrong I give you $100 and every one you get wrong you give me $5.

And the blonde says no and goes back to sleep. Then the lawyer asks her again if she wanted to play the game and she says no and goes to sleep again.

Then the lawyer asks her one more time. So the blonde decides to since the lawyer won't shut up. Now first the lawyer asks "What's the capital of Washington?" The blonde doesn't know so she gives the lawyer $5. Now the blonde asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with 3?"

So the lawyer checks on the net in the encyclopedias and everything else possible and he can't find the answer so he gives the blonde $100. Then the lawyer asks the blonde what was the answer to that question. So the blonde reaches in her purse and gives the lawyer another $5 bill.