A boy rode on a donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.

Signs of the Times...

Seen during a conference

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK

I Wish You Enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-bye."

He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!

- anonymous

- An email submission from June

"Imagine the Creator as a stand up comedian - and at once the world becomes explicable."

- H. L. Mencken

Funny Fact of the Week

According to a global survey in 1997 by Durex Condoms Canadians are the world's fourth worst lovers. The worst three slots belong to South Africa, Russia, and Poland.

Weird Animal Factz

• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Starfish have no brains.
• A cat's urine glows under a black light.
• Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
• The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
• A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
• The longest recorded; sustained flight of a chicken was 13 seconds.
• Emus and kangaroos can't walk backward! It's those little things in life you have to appreciate!
• Bald eagles aren't really bald. The word used to mean "gleaming" or "white."

The ten most intelligent animals are

(intelligence is not listed in any specific order - these guys are just smart!)

1. chimpanzees
2. gorillas
3. orangutans
4. baboons
5. gibbons
6. monkeys (many species, especially macaques)
7. smaller toothed whales (especially killer whales or Orcas),
8. dolphins
9. elephants
10. pigs

The Shocking Truth

On average, an electric eel can produce 350 to 550 volts of electricity. The shock consists of four to eight separate charges, lasting two-to three-thousandths of a second each. These shocks, used as a defense mechanism, can be repeated up to 150 times per hour without any visible fatigue to the eel. The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru.

Carnation Instant?

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."