A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to check on him. "Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, instead of the janitor's closet, please get off the mop bucket and try using the toilet in the bathroom!"

Too Hot to Handle

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the

neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Beans and Onions

Q What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

A Tear gas!

Re-modeling Job

Lorenzo was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his penis, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for "small," $6,500 or "medium," and $14,000 for "large." Lorenzo was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife Linda on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found Lorenzo looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

Lorenzo answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

Something to make you go Huh?

Monthly Inspiration - Canada’s Flyboys

Before the romantic chivalry of fighting the enemy in flight arrived on the scene, men fought in the muddy trenches, facing death eye to eye. It is a gruesome, gut wrenching experience that changes a man forever.

Pilots were originally involved in reconnaissance missions photographing the enemy and making deliveries. Eventually our planes were changed into flying war machines, and the Fighter Pilot emerged.

Fighter Pilots offered a sense of romance to the dismal world of war. They instilled inspiration in the young and old with stories of amazing feats of daring and courage. Billy Bishop is one of the greatest fighter pilots because of his incredible skill and agility in the air - the inspiration for Peanuts’ Snoopy and the Red Baron.

William Avery Bishop was born on February 8, 1894 in Owen Sound. On the eve of embarking for England to go to war, Billy proposed to his long time girlfriend Margaret Burden. She accepted. She was Timothy Eaton’s granddaughter. (the department store millionaire)

Bishop joined the RCF in London. The first aircraft Billy Bishop flew was the Farman Series 11 Shorthorn. In the span of five months, he scored 47 confirmed victories. Lt. Col. Bishop’s final score of 72 confirmed and 25 unconfirmed victories remains a legend. For his courage and performance he received the three highest awards for valour awarded by Great Britain; the Military Cross, Distinguished Service Order and Bar, and the Victoria Cross.

Billy continued to serve in later years, recruiting young flyers for World War II for our own Royal Canadian Air Force. Today, William Avery Bishop inspires; not because he was a highly decorated warrior, but because he had boundless energy and the will to serve and protect his countrymen.

This November 11th, we thank the many soldiers who helped to shape the free world as we know it today.

Learn more about Billy!

http://www.accessweb.com/users/mconstab/bbishop.htm

http://www.billybishop.org

The Death of Fluffy the Rabbit

Bert came home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead. Bert paniced. He thought the neighbors would hate him forever, so he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put the rabbit back in his cage in the neighbor's back yard, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor was outside and asked Bert, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?'

Bert stammered and said, 'Um... no... um... what happened?'.

The neighbor replied, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there."

The Bigger Boob

Rob, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, bought her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stood in front of the mirror, looking at herself, still asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower in front of her new mirror complaining that her breasts are too small.

"If you want your breasts to grow," Rob suggested, "then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, his wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, stood in front of her mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asked.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replied.

The wife stopped. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

The husband shrugged, "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?