What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"

Guitar Jokes

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None--they just steal somebody else's light.

Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?

Accordion Jokes

If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first?
Who cares?

What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What's a accordion good for?
Learning how to fold a map.

What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain

Misc. Music

Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1.None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
2."Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."

- Albert Camus

What Is Snow?

When water freezes inside clouds, ice crystals form. Ice crystals form around tiny bits of dirt that have been carried into the atmosphere. The ice crystals join together creating snow flakes. Once the flakes are heavy enough they fall to the ground . Each snowflake is made up of from 2 to about 200 separate crystals.

What Color Is Snow?

Believe it or not, snow is actually clear/transparent. It appears white because the crystals act as prisms, breaking up the light into the entire spectrum of color. The human eye is unable to handle that kind of sensory overload so we see the snow as white or sometimes blue. The color of snow can depend on the environment in which you live. Some snowflakes look like they are pink. If you live in a place where your soil is red, snow is pink. The red dust blows into the clouds, discoloring the snow.

How Big Is A Snowflake?

Most snowflakes are less than one-half inch across. The largest snowflake recorded was fifteen inches in diameter. All snowflakes have six sides and no two snowflakes are alike.

How Many Snowflake Shapes Are There?

Scientists think that there are five different shapes of snow crystals. A long needle shape, hollow column that is shaped like a six-sided prism, thin and flat six-sided plates, six-pointed stars and intricate dendrites.

What Makes The Different Shapes?

The shape that a snow crystal will take depends on the temperature at which it was formed. When the temperature is around 32°F to 25°F thin six-sides plates are formed. At 25°F to 21°F long needle shapes are formed. At 21°F to 14°F hallow columns are formed. At 14°F to 10°F six-point stars are formed. At 10°F to 3°F dendrites are formed. The colder it is outside, the smaller the snowflakes that fall. The fluffiest snow falls at temperatures around 15°F.

Newfie Flight 101

Air Newfie Flight 101 was flying from St. John's to Fort McMurray one night, with Charlie the Pilot, and Hughie the co-pilot. As they approached Fort McMurray airport, they looked out the front window. "B'jeesus" said Charlie "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is."

"You're not fookin kiddin Charlie" replied Hughie.

"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Charlie.

"You're not fookin kiddin, Charlie" replied Hughie.

"Right Hughie, When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Charlie.

"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Hughie.

"And den ye put de flaps down straight away," said Charlie.

"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Hughie.

"And den ye stomp on dem brakes as hard as ye can," said Charlie.

"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Hughie.

"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul," said Charlie.

"I be doing dat already," replied Hughie.

So, they approached the runway with Charlie and Hughie full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Hughie put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stomped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires, and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Charlie and Hughie and everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Charlie looked out the front window and said to Hughie, "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life."

Hughie looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Charlie, but look how fookin wide it is."