|
|
|
HOME |
|
|
|
CRACKS |
 To All,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been
good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to
make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I
was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas,
but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all
come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11
lords leaping have knocked
up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been
arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6
geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and
the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird
shit.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation
and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas
for the 5th of January. ( those damn Greeks !) Maybe next year I
will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you
want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Wal-Mart
before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
BACK TO THE TOP |
|
TRIVIA |
|
T'was The Night Before
Christmas
|
T'was The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone, In
A One Bedroom House,
Made Of Plaster And Stone.
I Had Come Down The Chimney,
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who,
In This Home Did Live.
I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.
No Stocking By The Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
On The Wall Hung Pictures,
Of Far Distant Lands.
With Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sober Thought,
Came Through My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
It Was Dark And Dreary,
I Found The Home Of A Soldier,
Once I Could See Clearly.
The Soldier Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor,
In This One Bedroom Home.
The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured,
A Canadian Soldier.
Was This The Hero,
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor For A Bed?
I Realized The Families,
That I Saw This Night,
Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers,
Who Were Willing To Fight.
Soon Round The World,
The Children Would Play,
And Grownups Would Celebrate,
A Bright Christmas Day.
|
 |
They All Enjoyed Freedom,
Each Month Of The Year,
Because Of The Soldiers,
Like The One Lying Here.
I Couldn't Help Wonder,
How Many Lay Alone,
On A Cold Christmas Eve,
In A Land Far From Home.
The Very Thought,
Brought A Tear To My Eye,
I Dropped To My Knees,
And Started To Cry.
The Soldier Awakened,
And I Heard A Rough Voice,
"Santa, Don't Cry,
This Life Is My Choice.
I Fight For Freedom,
I Don't Ask For More,
My Life Is My God,
My Country, My Corps."
The Soldier Rolled Over,
And Drifted To Sleep,
I Couldn't Control It,
I Continued To Weep.
I Kept Watch For Hours,
So Silent And Still,
And We Both Shivered,
From The Cold Night's Chill.
I Didn't Want To Leave,
On That Cold, Dark Night,
This Guardian Of Honor,
So Willing To Fight.
Then The Soldier Rolled Over,
With A Voice, Soft And Pure,
Whispered, "Carry On Santa,
It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."
One Look At My Watch,
And I Knew He Was Right,
"Merry Christmas My Friend,
And To All A Good Night."
This Poem Was Written By A Peace
Keeping Soldier Stationed Overseas.
Send this page to a friend!
|
BACK TO THE TOP |
|
STUFF |
|
Christmas Quickies
 Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else!
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!
What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake
?
Your teeth!
I'd like Father Christmas stew.
Er... how do you make Father Christmas stew?
You keep him waiting half an hour!
Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I
can't sleep.
Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop
off!
Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Santa Clause.
Doctor You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.
Patient: My problem is that I keep stealing things
when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me
something for it!
Doctor: Try this medicine... and if it doesn't work
come back and bring me a new video camera.
Avon Calling...
An Avon saleslady selling her products on the 40th
floor of a high-rise apartment building felt a
terrible gas pain. Looking for privacy, she spotted
an empty elevator which she immediately entered and
pressed (1). The doors closed and the elevator
started descending. The Lady cut one that peeled the
paint off the walls. It smelled so bad it brought
tears to her eyes.
She reached into her sample bag of Avon products
and sprayed some pine scented room freshener to mask
the terrible odor. The elevator stopped short of the
first floor and as the doors opened, a drunk
staggered in.
The doors closed and the elevator started
descending once again. The drunk started looking
around the elevator while sniffing the air and
wouldn't quit. Finally the Avon saleslady, hoping for
a complement on her pine scented room freshener asked
the drunk what it was he was smelling.
The drunk replied "I don't know for sure lady, but
I think someone just shit a Christmas tree."
BACK TO THE TOP |
|
NET NOTHINGS |
Since wasting
your time is becoming top priority, we've got a
few new links to try!
Got a Cool, Unique,
Odd and Interesting site? Let's swap links. Email
us at
production@crackermania.com.
 Crackers Changes the
World Campaign
http://www.deptplanetearth.com/
The Department of the Planet Earth was organized
in 1991 by citizens from the United States and
Canada, concerned about the rapid decline of
global environment, global pollution of
ecosystems, health injuries from toxins, and
lifestyles and economies like that of the United
States and Canada featuring such waste that they
challenge Earth's future.
http://www.thechildsurvivalsite.com/
All about helping make the world a better place
for children to grow up in!
Just For The Fun of It!
http://www.childfun.com
Lots of fun stuff to do with your kids!
http://www.sisters2.com/christmaslinks.htm
Lots of interesting holiday links!
BACK TO THE TOP
|
HOME
| CRACKS |
TRIVIA | STUFF |
NET NOTHINGS
ABOUT US |
DISTRIBUTION | ARCHIVES |
CONTACT US
|
|
